(Entering an AA meeting)
Hi,my name is Aya and am totally afraid of change!
I literally had to google the term that i should use for my anxiety of change and Walah! It’s called Metathesiophobia. Can you imagine the relief i felt? Am not the only one who suffers from all this change anxiety!
This year has been so rocky, i can’t even! So many changes happened and are still happening that literally caused me a panic attack. I get so comfortable with where I am in life and who am in life with, that I just don’t want to rock the boat- if i should say so.
If I have to summarize 2018 with one word, in the middle of this hot September day, that will definitely be CHANGE and the challenge of learning to move away from my comfort zone. That has been the scariest aspect of my year and I have learnt and am STILL learning how to just enjoy the ride that life has thrown at me. From friends to relationships to all the unnecessary drama to travelling to whatever else the year has brought me and is still bringing.
I think change comes in so many different levels and rates that it can overwhelm anyone especially someone like me who is kind of used to doing stuff my way and at my own time so for the most part, am grateful for this life lesson. To me, the first step was accepting that life is change itself and accepting the situation and learning to live through it.
One of the biggest changes in my year has been leaning more on my family. I have the biggest and most loving family in the universe and until i was put in a situation where I basically had them as friends, confidants and support system, i never truly appreciated that. My family has become my rock and my best friends and to be honest, it has lifted a load off me that I never truly knew I carried. Blood is indeed always thicker!
The other change is moving on from people. I used to have such a hard time letting go of people and things and guess that has been my lesson this year. It’s definitely a habit and once you accept that you can never change anyone, you learn to love yourself more and that is such a relief. I used to wonder how people grow up and have a handful of friends and how they managed it, but now, am learning how freeing it is to just do you and let other things and people fall in place.
My ultimate biggest achievement is learning to make myself happy without expecting anyone to help me. I go on solo dates, take walks, learn new recipes and binge-watch on my favorite series. I have also found new small joys like trying new restaurants and hotels which has been pure bliss since I love food and food loves me surely! My new found independence has been an absolute miracle and I must say I love it.
Not all change is bad and the trick is to embrace the NOW, and try to let go of the past or what ifs! It will not come automatically because with all AA problems, comes work and determination with lots of patience and faith.